A-C-C-O-U-N-T-A-B-I-L-I-T-Y

I'm having one of those mornings where I really don't know what to write about. After having a six-week lapse in blog posts in September & October, I'm hesitant to just let myself have a week off. Having a self-made deadline is both good and bad... I can give myself a pass--oh, you've had so much going on, take the week off!--or I can hold myself accountable, which is, admittedly, much more difficult.

I find I give myself a pass a lot... and with so much going on, it's no wonder. But, I need to stop doing it. I made a commitment to write a blog post once a week, by Monday, a few years ago. Most of that time, I've done pretty well... Lately, not so much.

Sure, a lot of my brain power right now is being taken up with debating the merits of a non-malignant bone marrow transplant with my son. What's left has been shifted into writing a project that really shouldn't be getting written right now. Out of all that time, I have 30 minutes or 45 to write a blog post, but when I'm sapped, who wants that?

Despite what's going on, though, I made a commitment. If I were to have a book deal, I'm sure my editor wouldn't say something like, "Oh, Liberty, we know you've got a lot going on right now. Just get us your manuscript anytime you wish. We'll still be here."

Yeah, fat chance of that one happening.

I'd be out of a contract and have a bad name in the industry faster than you could whistle Dixie.

And, on the publishing front, if you follow my Facebook page, you know I did hear back from the agent who asked for my partial. "Too dark for a cozy" is about what it amounts to. So, in addition to writing this novel which really shouldn't be getting on the page right now and weighing the benefits of a BMT on my son with the negatives, I've got to make sense of what to do next.

One of my critters thinks my novel's not ready... which I can sort of see... but what to do with it? Still, I have this agent, a fairly well-respected agent as near as I can tell, who expressed that I have some good writing. What do I do with that?

I'm not sure I'm willing to let things calm down enough to give myself breathing room to contemplate it. I need to keep moving forward, even if it's millimeter by millimeter, rather than by leaps and bounds. I'm not willing to come to a standstill (which I sort of feel I'm at now), or, worse, move backwards.

Which is why I do feel like I need to keep blogging--to keep my brain active, and not let myself fall behind.

Maybe it won't make a lick of difference, but for now, I need that accountability.

And, it may not hurt to have a place to vent.

Until next time,

How High Can You Jump?

So, things are moving a little faster than anticipated.  Last week, I stated we hoped to go out of town soon for my son's treatment. Within TWO HOURS of posting last week's blog, I had a call from the hospital. "Can you come see us next week?"

Next WEEK? Are you KIDDING ME? Do you realize we live 2,000 miles away????

It's really amazing how things can come together in just a few days with less than 10 days warning. People have stepped up to help us out, which has been the biggest blessing of all. I've been truly stunned and humbled by the assistance we've received. It's made a stressful time less-so.

Photo by Vox EFX

I'm a little anxious about the trip... mostly because I've read too many horror stories about the TSA, so the thought of going through security with 2 strong-willed kids, and a headstrong momma (me), I'm a bit afraid something will happen that will make the news.

Seeing the doctors, being on the plane, that doesn't bother me. Being subjected to something that in my mind is a direct violation of my 4th Amendment rights (that's the one about illegal search and seizures, folks) puts me on edge. Heck, with my background, I should be scared of being on an airplane. My dad has worked for one of the airplane manufacturers for most of my life in the department that fixes crashed airplanes, so I've seen more crash photos than the average person. (I am also more than aware that the most dangerous place for a plane is on the ground--not in the air. More damage is done by stupid ground people than pilots that have been drinking too much. Maybe sometime, I'll tell you my favorite story that my dad repeated to me, about a "crash" on the ground...)

Really, I'm glad that we're going out now rather than later. Waiting makes me nervous. But, it does make me concerned that they felt so strongly about his case that they felt the need to get us in this soon. Maybe it's not as serious as I'm fearing, maybe they're just being pro-active. (Please, please, please let this be the case!) Still, I'll be glad when we're back on the ground in good ol' Kansas City...

Until next time,

Liberty

P.S.: I've received a lot of questions about how people can support us during this time. Prayers are always welcome! But, additionally, if you're between 18 & 44 and in generally good health, you can get tested to become a potential donor. Search for a donor drive at this link, request a test kit here, and maybe even consider hosting a donor drive! Marrow.org has additional information, just surf the site and see what's there! Also, if you know a woman about to have a baby, urge her to donate her umbilical cord blood for use in transplants (and for research.) -- LS

Two Years... and Counting...

Two years ago, my house was blessed to have the most precious (and I'm not biased in any way) little boy come into our home. His labor and delivery were brief (2 hours of labor, 3 minutes for delivery).

And when I saw him for the first time, I was stunned he was a boy (I'd really thought we were having a girl.) But, I thought he was perfect in every way.

I still cling to that thought every now and then. Now, I know he's not perfect (he's got the ornery streak to prove it!) And, I know he'll never be the same as other little boys--not just because God made him different, but because of what's different about him at a cellular level.

When I was growing up, I can't remember having birthday parties. Sure, I had a girlfriend over most every birthday, or went to spend the week of my birthday (which strangely almost always fell over spring break) at my grandparent's house in the Ozark's of Missouri. But, I never really had parties that I can remember.

Alexander

With Alexander, we don't know how many years we're going to get with him. He may grow up, have a family, and get to raise his own children, see his grandchildren.

I pray this is the case.

But, I also am all too aware that every birthday he has may be his last one. And, as a mother, this chokes me up. As I'm writing this, I'm crying, even though I can hear him and his sister in the next room, playing.

You see, his condition, Shwachman-Diamond Syndrome (SDS), puts him at a high risk of developing leukemia. I've talked about that before. Right now, until he has his next biopsy next month, we know he's at an even more elevated risk.

And, should it come to it, and he requires a bone marrow transplant, I know he's got but a 50/50 shot. We saw it with another SDS family just in the last few weeks. Their son had a transplant, and sadly passed away a few days later. He wasn't much older than our little guy.

It scares me, more than I thought anything ever could.

So, on Saturday over the weekend, Alexander turned two. And, we celebrated, as we expect we'll be doing not just with him next year, but with his older sister when she turns four in October.

While both of them can drive me nuts, and some days I wonder if it's really worth it, something in the back of my mind reminds me that all of our days are numbered. Only God knows how many days we get. And even though writing my stories are important to me, blogging and social networking are fun and even important tools as I try to get the engine going on my writing career, there's things more important.

Until next time,

Liberty

P.S. -- I should have mentioned this when it posted, but I guest blogged over on Linda Yezak's site about 10 days ago. Should you get a chance, go check it out.

Gifts of the Heart

Merry Christmas, a day late! Or, as our friends across the pond may say today, Happy Boxing Day!

I hope you've had a most blessed Christmas... and managed not to kill any of your family. ;) Or is it just me that struggles with those feelings sometimes? (tee hee hee, just kidding!)

Today is my regularly scheduled post for the ChristianWriters.com blog chain, and to be honest, the topic (Gifts of the Heart) kind of has me stumped. But, I shall charge on!

When I read the topic (admittedly, about 5 minutes before I started writing this post), I thought, huh.

So, rather than do a traditional post, I think I'll leave you with a few pictures of some of the things that warm my heart. I hope you'll find them as endearing as I do.

 

Obviously, these are my kids... and my dog. :) I'd put TMOTH's picture up, but I'm not sure if he'd be okay with it. 

So, my family is my gift of the heart... I hope you can say the same for yours!

In a little sidenote, I want to give a brief update on our son's health. Last week, we thought everything was going well, and then we went in to see his dermatologist, who, on a whim, ordered some blood work. Our guy has been sick most of the time since Thanksgiving, and when they ran his hemoglobin, it was 6.3. Normal is between 12 and 18, so he's exceptionally anemic right now. We have his blood retested tomorrow, and his hematologist (blood doctor) is watching this closely. We've managed to get through Thanksgiving and Christmas without being admitted--and seeing as those were both spent at the hospital in 2010, this is a great thing. Hopefully, we'll make it through the remainder of 2011 without being admitted again! (Now, if we can make it through cold and flu season...) 

If everything is okay, I guess you'll hear from me next in 2012... wow, can it really nearly be 2012? It barely seems like I was getting a handle on 2011! If for some reason things aren't as good as we hoped, I'll try to post a short update on Tuesday or Wednesday. 

(But I'm hoping it'll be 2012 before you hear from me again!)

Happy New Year!

Until next time,

Liberty

Christmas Isn't What It Used To Be

Photo by DreAminginDigITal via DeviantArt.

I'm finding it harder as an adult to get into the Christmas spirit than it was when I was a kid. As a child, I couldn't wait to decorate the tree, start playing Christmas tunes, and of course there was Christmas morning. I have vivid memories of mornings where my parents had artfully arranged the gifts around the tree the night before. Every Christmas morning was magical.

Now, with divorced parents plus in-laws who want to see us, Christmas is, quite honestly, an energy drainer for me. I actually have begun to loathe the holiday season because it means that I don't get recharged and get through it feeling more exhausted than before.

I've tried to explain this to TMOTH (The Man of The House), but I'm not sure he really gets it. And while I understand his wanting to see family, I'm getting to be of the opinion that that's what family reunions are for. It's a drain to watch people open gifts, gorge themselves on too much food, and spend too little time honoring what the season is really supposed to be about: the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Maybe that's why the season is such a problem for me: we're focused on the wrong things. Instead of attending a church service together, we gorge ourselves on turkey with the trimmings. Of course none of us visit each others churches since none of us can agree on a church. (My church tends to close down for Christmas anyway, so there are Christmas Eve services--on three nights no less!--but nothing Christmas day.)

This year, let's try not to be so focused on having the "perfect" dinner, or finding the "perfect" gift for someone. In these rough economic times, it's best not to feel the added pressure that the season creates anyway. I know my own Christmas giving will be leaner this year. Focus instead on your immediate family. Be thankful--and express it!--to God for sending us His Son. Make a tradition you want to continue in your life. The pastor of my church, after the gift exchange, has a tradition of putting a discarded bow on his head, sitting under the tree, and reflecting on what God has given him as well as what he can give to God. Maybe that's something you could do as well.

I wish you the happiest of Christmases. I pray you find how truly blessed you are, regardless of how abundant or lean this year may be for you.

Please enjoy this Christmas tune. It's one of my favorites.



Until next time,

What I'm Thankful For

This month in the ChristianWriters.com blog chain, the theme is Thankfulness and Thanksgiving.

I had this post all ready to go a few weeks ago, and thought it was great, but now, I need to add this. I've left the rest of my original post below, but I need to get this first part off my chest.

This has been a very tough year for myself and my family. It seems we've had battle after battle, hurdle after hurdle since December last year. The most recent battles are coming on top of each other: selling our home/needing to move, and finding out our son has a condition called failure to thrive.

When days go like they've gone in the last week or so for me, it's tough to find much to be thankful for. Last Wednesday, my son was positively diagnosed with FTT (Failure to thrive). Tomorrow, we see a dermatologist about his problem eczema, the day after, back to his doctor to see if he's gaining weight. I've been so worried about my little guy that my daughter has started throwing more tantrums. *sigh* Makes writing a difficult impossible prospect.

For right now, I want to state I'm incredibly thankful for my doctor. She's calm, collected, and takes my concerns as a mom seriously. She's also proactive. I know where we're going with the treatment of my son, and as a mom, that's something I appreciate--I know what I can expect.

On days where things aren't going well, try to find the one bright spot in your life, no matter how dim it may be comparatively.

And now, my original post:

By ~NefaroStock at DeviantArt.com

First off, I'd like to remind folks that across America, there are falsehoods taught about the origins of Thanksgiving in public schools. Kids these days are often taught that the Pilgrims gave thanks to the Native Americans.

Nope. Nada. Uh-uh.

The Pilgrims gave thanks to Almighty God. My CW friend Tamera Lynn Kraft has a thumbnail sketch of the history at her blog. And, Rush Limbaugh has a chapter on it in his book, See, I Told You So. Both are accurate in their presentations.


This year, I have a lot to be thankful for. A year ago, I had one child. Today, I have two very beautiful children. At this time last year, I wasn't even aware I was pregnant. (This year, I'd better not be!) Both my children, though they can frustrate me to no end, bring a lot of joy to my life.

My husband and I celebrated eight years of wedded bliss this year. We've had our ups and downs, and this year has definitely been difficult for us, but I'm so thankful for my wonderful, sexy husband.

I'm very thankful that my elderly grandparents finally moved back to the city where they have family close by that can be over at their place in a matter of minutes rather than hours. My grandpa turned 90 this year, my grandma 87, and it's a blessing to have them closer--and that they can spend more time with their only great-grandchildren in this hemisphere. (They have a third in Asia, but that's another story.)

There's a lot more that I'm thankful for, but for now, I'll leave it at that. I hope over the next few weeks, you stop and ponder the meaning of thankfulness, and remember to thank God for the blessings in your life--even for the difficulties.

And be sure to tell those in your life how thankful you are for them. You never know--they may need to hear it.

Many Thanksgiving blessings.