Pitch It! (follow up)

I redid my pitch based on some of the comments I received. I tried to add the changes in the body of my original post, but for some reason, Blogger doesn't like me today. So, here it is. Original first, then the redo.

Old:

Finding dead bodies is not what journalist-cum-real estate investor Amanda O'Flannigan had in mind when she changed careers. All she wanted was a distraction from the recent death of her fiancé. A man dying in her arms doesn't do much to help her grief.

As she investigates the man's death, she stumbles into a web of lies and half-truths. If anyone knows the full story behind the victim's life and death, they aren't sharing.

Rick Pierce has been in love with Amanda for a decade. A year and a half after the tragedy, Rick has worked up the nerve to tell Amanda how he feels. But with Amanda still lost in the past, how can he convince her he's the one she needs to be with?

The possibility of romance isn’t enough to erase the fact two convicts Amanda helped put away have escaped prison and are on a mission to find the woman who made their life hell. Intent on torturing and killing her, they're on a warpath to her doorstep. Are they responsible for the growing number of murders among Amanda's tenants?

As Amanda races to find the murderers and stop the men who want her dead, she must learn to look to her future. Rick will stop at nothing to make sure she sees that future realized.

New:

Finding dead bodies is not what journalist-turned-real estate investor Amanda O'Flannigan had in mind when she changed careers. All she wanted was a distraction from the recent death of her fiancé. A former tenant dying in her arms doesn't do much to help her grief. As she investigates the man's death, Amanda stumbles into a web of lies and half-truths.

Two convicts Amanda helped put away have escaped. Intent on torturing and killing her, they're on a warpath to her doorstep. Are they responsible for the growing number of murders among Amanda's tenants?

Enter Rick Pierce. He has been in love with Amanda for a decade. A year and a half after the tragedy, Rick has worked up the nerve to tell Amanda how he feels. With Amanda caught up in the past as she races to stop the men who want her dead, how will Rick make her see their future together?

So, what say you? Better? Worse?

Until next time,

Pitch It!

For the October Christian Writers blog chain, we're pitching our novels! (Or doing a little tutorial on pitches.)

What is a pitch? 

A pitch is basically a way to sell your novel. Think of it like the trailer to that movie you're going to go see because of the commercials you've seen on TV. It's a tease; it gives the reader an idea on what your book is about. Some authors now are making their own book videos (K.M. Weiland has an AWESOME one for her novel Behold the Dawn.) But, most readers aren't going to go track down your video; they're going to read the blurb on the jacket cover of your book at the bookstore.

Photo from DeviantArt's SixSecondsLess

That's essentially what a pitch is, something that a reader sees that whets their appetite to read your book. Or, as in my case, something to whet the appetite of an agent or editor.

This month, I'm sharing the pitch for my novel, Homebody. And, it's up to you, my lovely reader, to help me improve the pitch. Tell me if what I've written would make you want to read more. If it's sitting on the shelf next to Nora Roberts, would you choose mine or hers? (Or, name another of your favorite authors.)

I'm pulling this directly from the latest query I've drafted--so I need it to be good!

Homebody:

Finding dead bodies is not what journalist-cum-real estate investor Amanda O'Flannigan had in mind when she changed careers. All she wanted was a distraction from the recent death of her fiancé. A man dying in her arms doesn't do much to help her grief.

As she investigates the man's death, she stumbles into a web of lies and half-truths. If anyone knows the full story behind the victim's life and death, they aren't sharing.

Rick Pierce has been in love with Amanda for a decade. A year and a half after the tragedy, Rick has worked up the nerve to tell Amanda how he feels. But with Amanda still lost in the past, how can he convince her he's the one she needs to be with?

The possibility of romance isn’t enough to erase the fact two convicts Amanda helped put away have escaped prison and are on a mission to find the woman who made their life hell. Intent on torturing and killing her, they're on a warpath to her doorstep. Are they responsible for the growing number of murders among Amanda's tenants?

As Amanda races to find the murderers and stop the men who want her dead, she must learn to look to her future. Rick will stop at nothing to make sure she sees that future realized.
 

So, what do you think? Would you want to take this book home?

Until next time,

Writing Update: October

By *NoCompletion on DeviantArt.com

I must admit that I started the last month with many good intentions. My goals included editing the entirety of Homebody and getting out to a friend via snail mail. As of this writing, I've gotten about 1/4 of the way through the editing, and haven't been able to send the draft out.

Part of the problem is my own laziness; I've been derelict in my duties as a writer.

But, part of the problem is the fact that my husband and I found out a few weeks ago that we'll be moving by the end of the year. We'd put our house on the market, and in late September, got a contract. So, now I'm packing and looking for a new place to live. Ugh. (This last comment comes from the part of me that hates any form of change.)

I have made some headway, I'll say that much. Just not as much as I wanted by this point. And my brain is working overtime coming up with ideas for plot and character changes. Unfortunately, thinking is not doing. I must start doing more. (Makes me think of Yoda: "Do. Or do not. There is no try." Yeah, I need more discipline from the Jedi Master.)

I have had the pleasure of attending the Muse Online Writers Conference last week. Man, did that kick my butt in gear! And it was a good diversion to potty training my daughter and wrangling three dogs (two more than normal since I was babysitting my mom's dogs.) At least I was able to refine my understanding of grammar, learn more about blogging and Facebook fan pages (did you notice the subtle change to the blog? And, I now have a fan page on FB!) All good things, but they didn't get me any editing done.

Anyway, despite the anticipated trials of the next few months (especially since we're gearing up for holiday season), I'm going to do what I can to set aside some time on a daily and/or weekly basis to work on my projects. I really want to be able to start submitting to agents come January 2011. And the only way that's going to happen is if I have a polished manuscript.

With that, I'd better get back to work.

Until next time,