tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6635254887060965792.post1103857410051832651..comments2023-08-15T04:19:14.114-05:00Comments on Word Wanderings: Pitch It!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10072706769675479529noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6635254887060965792.post-46651118166087055122010-11-04T09:25:31.564-05:002010-11-04T09:25:31.564-05:00Hi, Draven! Thanks for stopping in.
Thanks for t...Hi, Draven! Thanks for stopping in. <br /><br />Thanks for the compliments. I have made some changes, which you can see in this post: http://libertywordwanderings.blogspot.com/2010/10/pitch-it-follow-up.html<br /><br />I haven't really thought about whether an agent would or wouldn't want the pitch out in the open. Quite honestly, I can't see what the harm would be, especially since the versions are being edited, and many, many people put their queries through challenges on blogs and forums. One agent (Janet Reid AKA The Query Shark) crits queries at her blog queryshark.blogspot.com . Many other agents do the same. <br /><br />Again, thank you for stopping in! I hope you'll come back!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10072706769675479529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6635254887060965792.post-34025171925997784252010-11-03T23:07:50.453-05:002010-11-03T23:07:50.453-05:00I like that you are putting yourself out there wit...I like that you are putting yourself out there with your query letter, but I wonder if agents would like it. Does this give anything away? My immediate thoughts were that the man she is interested in is probably the killer. If that is the case, I might not want this query letter out in the open.<br /><br />As to your query letter, I haven't made mine yet. I came here to look at advice and see how you did yours. I think you did pretty good.<br /><br />The first paragraph can be confusing, making people wonder if the fiance died in her arms. The last can be changed, it makes rick seem like a bad guy.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12563209830154165271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6635254887060965792.post-55716314084242467242010-10-25T15:15:30.511-05:002010-10-25T15:15:30.511-05:00@Victor, your words made my day! (And my day hasn&...@Victor, your words made my day! (And my day hasn't really been that bad to begin with!) Thanks!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10072706769675479529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6635254887060965792.post-36397274471149029882010-10-25T15:01:26.434-05:002010-10-25T15:01:26.434-05:00Having already read part of an early draft of Home...Having already read part of an early draft of <em>Homebody</em>, I'd have to say I'm interested in the rest. And to see what you've done since that version in the chapters you already sent. You're a good writer, Liberty. You deserve to be noticed by more than a few.<br /><br />~ VTVictor Travisonhttp://victortravison.webs.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6635254887060965792.post-6199945414363084012010-10-25T13:27:36.193-05:002010-10-25T13:27:36.193-05:00@E.G. I tend to follow the advice of the Query Sha...@E.G. I tend to follow the advice of the Query Shark (http://queryshark.blogspot.com/) so that's the reason the length is so... lengthy. :) However, I do realize it needs to get chopped down some, so I am very grateful for your suggestions. I'm going to try to apply them this week and will re-post with the revisions.<br /><br />@Traci, Thanks! As for the Latin term, I'm hoping (since this version is more for the agents) that they'll know Latin! :) I do plan to leave it in there for flair since I think the term reflects more about how Amanda thinks than any of the other verbiage. However, I'm sure it'll get changed for the back-cover or dust-jacket copy. :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10072706769675479529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6635254887060965792.post-33364550703097558692010-10-25T12:24:36.038-05:002010-10-25T12:24:36.038-05:00I'm definitely intrigued by your story, as I h...I'm definitely intrigued by your story, as I have been from the first time I read your request for query letter help on CW.<br /><br />I think your pitch is good and will be even better with Sheila's and E.G.'s suggestions implemented. I have only one more to add; I'd say "journalist-turned-real estate agent" instead of what you have. If a reader isn't familiar with Latin, they may not know that term.TraciBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01060016951190175207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6635254887060965792.post-42166839637248437502010-10-25T11:12:34.325-05:002010-10-25T11:12:34.325-05:00Liberty:
This is about the right size for the back...Liberty:<br />This is about the right size for the back cover, but a wee bit long for an agent letter. My suggestion would be to combine paragraph one and two and cut the final sentence in p.2. It's redundant. <br /><br />Also the final sentence in p.1 is confusing. I think it refers to a new victim (tenant), but it could be her fiance. Consider a contrast to the previous sentence by starting with Instead...man dies in her arms.<br /><br />Paragraph three could begin Two convicts...escaped prison. (end of sentence) Intent on revenge, they're beating a path to her doorstep. Meanwhile, some of Amanda's tenants are being murdered.<br /><br />Final paragraph: Enter Rick Pierce who's been in...decade. Amanda's focus is on the past as she races to stop the men who want her dead. How will Rick make her see that they have a future?<br /><br />Peace and BlessingsE G Lewisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6635254887060965792.post-65438858216046403232010-10-25T08:30:40.178-05:002010-10-25T08:30:40.178-05:00@Linda, Thanks! :)
@Sheila, now that I'm rere...@Linda, Thanks! :)<br /><br />@Sheila, now that I'm rereading it, I think I may agree with you. Hmmm... will be mulling this one over and will try to re-do later (if I get a chance.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10072706769675479529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6635254887060965792.post-2651634134069481162010-10-25T07:22:25.659-05:002010-10-25T07:22:25.659-05:00Sounds like a good read! Just a suggestion--I woul...Sounds like a good read! Just a suggestion--I would rearrange the paragraphs, possible even the order of the sentences. And the last sentence in the first paragraph confused me. I thought at first you were talking about the fiance dying in her arms.<br />I love your synopsis in the sidebar!Sheila Hollingheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04364884603434329050noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6635254887060965792.post-23187412138904629012010-10-25T06:26:40.067-05:002010-10-25T06:26:40.067-05:00Absolutely I'd buy the book! It sounds suspens...Absolutely I'd buy the book! It sounds suspenseful and exciting!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com